throat coat

This past Sunday, Easter Sunday, I worked as a volunteer at my church’s cafe. I am the Rickaroo Specialist, a drink containing hot chocolate, caramel, and chocolate syrup with a dollop of whipped cream on top. It’s totally yummy.

I paid for and made one for myself and cruised the lobby with drink in hand. I noticed our Senior Pastor also cruising the lobby with drink in hand. He always has a drink in his hand. “My drink of choice is the Rickaroo!” I cheerfully bellowed at him, “made it myself. I see you have a drink in your hand. What’s your drink of choice?”

He paused, looked at me, and in a mildly hoarse voice said, “Throat Coat. I really need it, it saves my throat. It coats it.” He made a hand gesture to symbolize this. I wondered if I’d heard him correctly. Never heard of it before.

“So is that something you order at Starbu….” I wasn’t able to finish the sentence for he took off to schmooze with other churchgoers. I still wondered if I’d heard him correctly. I really never heard of that before. Must be some honey type drink, I thought.

I went back to my duties back at the cafe, dispensing Rickaroos with the hands of a surgeon, and organizing the outer table area where customers can put cream and sugar in their drinks. We go through a lot of that stuff, and on this Sunday, a tons of half-and-half creamer. Tons of it.

After the service I was working the cafe counter when a couple of the other Pastors came bopping in and started filling up their cups with hot water. “Throat Coat,” one of them muttered, “gotta have my Throat Coat.”

“Wait,” I said, “what’s that? The Senior Pastor mentioned that earlier. Is that some sort of special doohicky kind of drink or something?”

The one Pastor burst out, “No, it’s a tea. A special kind of tea. It coats the throat. We need it in our profession, bad.”

The other Pastor said, “Yeah, it coats the throat,” making a hand motion like the Senior Pastor did out in the lobby.”

“Maybe we should tell the world!” I blurted.

“No!” the first Pastor exclaimed. “It’s our secret. It’s how we keep going. If we tell everyone then they’ll be able to talk us down during a sermon. Had a lady this morning in the front row try to do that. We need to keep it a secret.” He said this with a big wide Pastor grin.

“Yeah,” the second Pastor said, “we get it at Target. We don’t want to tell everyone because then they’ll run out at Target and we won’t get any.”

“Okay. Shhhhhh,” I said, “I won’t tell anyone. Our secret.” They slipped away, happy, stealth like, and mixed in with the crowd moving in the lobby. Yep, I thought, It’ll be our little secret. I can’t give you their names for I want to protect the innocent, and I don’t want to give away the name of the church, for I don’t want to be the cause of a stampede at Target. Jesus may have turned five loaves of bread into five thousand, but I doubt he can make that many boxes of Throat Coat.

I can’t tell you the name of the Church I go to. All I can say is that there is a church in Fort Collins, Colorado named Crossroads. But I can say that the name of the church I go to here in the Twin Cities is real similar in name, real, real similar. It’s an awesome church, life changing, transformational, creative, compelling. and the city it’s in is right next to Cottage Grove, Minnesota. There I didn’t name the city of Woodbury, now did I? Hehehehe

Okay, Pastor Print and Pastor Anderson, you can come out now.

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